But I’m an Artiste!

Last week I talked a bit about depression, and anxiety, and was generally having a crummy week. I’m happy to announce that this week has been great! I’m contributing the greatness to the following points:

  • Friday (my weekly day off and designated errands and/or lady brunch day) started out rough. Woke up crying, that sort of thing. I had a long list of places I needed to go, but no motivation to even get out of bed.However! I’ve come to know that I can kind control it to some extent, and I know that if I can manage to get up, get showered and dressed, get some coffee and get out the door I can most often crush the depression monster before it turns into the panic attack monster. Luckily for me, my depression (at least in the beginning stages) is fairly lucid, but if I let it go and it morphs into depression-anxiety, I have a harder time kicking it.

    I know that this isn’t true for everyone, or even mostly everyone, with depression. Telling people to just get over it and pull themselves up by the bootstraps is an asshole thing to do, okay?

    But I managed to do the things, got out of the house, ran all my errands and accomplished all the things I needed to. And I was right: Once I got past the completely overwhelming hurdle of actually getting out of bed and getting ready, I actually had a really nice time running around. And then when I got home, I received the *best ever* no-reason-just-reminding-you-you’re-awesome/blog-fan-mail card from a sweet, sweet friend and that really blasted my day into the positivity stratosphere.

    So now all I want to do is send people cards for no reason. Seriously, it’s the best fucking thing and we should all do it.

  • I did some hand lettering on a marketing piece for work last week, and it was really fun. Like, really really fun. And it reminded me of how much I enjoyed doing that sort of thing. And then I realized that I haven’t really done much creating in a long, long time. Sure, I feel creatively rewarded when I cook and organize and decorate and tidy, but I haven’t made art in a long time. So, I went out and got some new pens, paper and some watercolors. I’ve never really used watercolors, but I love watercolor paintings. And I painted a beet! I want to do a series of small vegetable paintings for the kitchen. This one is just a study – it’s not going on my wall.

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    This painting can’t be beet!

  • I started my sewing class on Saturday and I had a blast! We were told to bring patterns for pants with elastic waists, which was thoroughly unexciting (Grandma pants!), but when I picked up the recommended pattern I realized we’re making jammy pants! Up with jammy pants!

    We cut and pressed our patterns and practiced some finished seams. We learned about things like that it actually matters what direction you put your fabric on the pattern because the stretch is different on either axis. We learned how to read the pattern directions (which are really stupid complicated and unintuitive). Some things are coming back to me from my days sewing in 4-H and I’m stoked to go to next week’s class. I need to go pick up the fabric and some notions for next Saturday. Yay another trip to the fabric store!

  • Some of our very best friends brought their kids over for hanging out Saturday. The husbands brewed beer (first time going full grain!), the kids LARPed with some new practice weapons and the moms got to do some mom hanging out. Also, TACOS!
  • Today my sister-in-law and I (and the kids) got pedicures. Girl day! Purple toes!

So, yeah, those things made my week pretty great.

GROCERY CHALLENGE TIME!

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$76.70!

The bill should have been a lot less than that, but I probably spent about $30 on Valentine’s Day stuff. Well played, Hallmark. Well played.

My reading hasn’t been tip top this week. I’m reading Mindy Kaling‘s memoir Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns). It’s not my favorite. It’s short, and I really should have finished by now, but I’m not getting into this book. She’s pretty self-deprecating, and she talks a lot about body image stuff, but I wouldn’t consider her body positive at all. She’s not really my kind of person, I guess. Also, she uses some ableist and transmisogynist language that I’m really not crazy about. But I’ll push through. I hate leaving things undone.

Excercise? Pffft. I am really sucking at this. I really, really need to find my motivation and get back on track. But I’m so enjoying the reemergence of my creative side that that’s all I want to do right now.

So, this week I found some joy. A lot of it, actually. I hope you did too.

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