Back in the saddle agaaaaainnnnnn. I’m back!


I’m back! I had planned some big apology sesh at the beginning here to temper my gaping absence, but you know what? Life happens. And a lot of life has happened these last two weeks.

First off: The Walking Dead is back on. STUFF IS HAPPENING, GUYS. I won’t spoil anything for you, but people have died, okay? It’s a big deal. On top of that, it airs on Sunday nights. Sunday, as you might recognize, also happens to be the night I typically update the blog. The Walking Dead has played a heavy role in my not updating JOMO recently. I’m going to have to figure a workaround for this.

In fact, now that the mid-season break is over for many of my shows (seriously, what the hell even is a mid-season break?) I’m finding it more and more difficult to do the things I should be doing, like reading and blogging. I’m seeing that the majority of the JOMO Empire has existed within the mid-season vacuum and perhaps that was a key factor in my resounding success and that now I’m actually going to have to make some hard decisions in my life. Great.

But let me get back on topic.

I have sucked at the grocery challenge these last two weeks. Like, I can’t even say the numbers, so I’ll just post these pics:


$242.48?! It’s as though I wasn’t even trying. Almost exactly like that.


$167.68. I have brought shame unto my family.

I know. I KNOW. I’ve let each and every one of you down. I’ve been weak. I bought some grand margaux and baguette and tortilla chips. I splurged a bit, and also had to stock up on some basics that I’d run out of. Looking back, part of the grocery challenge was also functioning as a pantry challenge, wherein I was relying heavily on my reserves of things like spices and canned tomatoes and broth. But, eventually you run out of some of that stuff and it’s not like a kitchen can function without them. So, I stocked up on a bunch of stuff. Also, I bought some fancy cheese. Sue me.

Another thing is, with The Walking Dead back on (I’m sensing a trend here – how many of my failures can be directly linked directly to the undead rising from the Earth?) and our weekly viewing party (if you can call two couples a ‘party’) I’ve felt a need to provide snacks. If you know me in real life, you know how compulsive my need to feed people is. No one shall cross my threshold without being offered something to eat. I’m the old Jewish mother of atheist Portland nerds. So, I bought snacks. And before long it’ll be time for our weekly Game of Thrones viewing party so I’m gonna have to keep some prudence in mind. Snack prudence.

Snack prudence is a thing I actually just said. Send the doctor.

Valentine’s Day happened. I know, I know. Valentine’s Day is this stupid meaningless thing. I also expect flowers and a fancy dinner and a nightcap. And don’t fuck it up. Like, don’t come at me with a 6:30pm or 8:30pm reservation. I will know you waited too long to call if we end up with some second-best seating time. I know this is silly and demanding and trivial. I don’t care, it’s fun. I’m really  not usually like this, I swear – it’s just a thing I enjoy. And on Valentine’s you usually get a special prix fixe, special wine pairings, special plates compliments of the chef. And as long as the husband doesn’t mess it up, I will plan an equally fancy date for Steak & Blow Job Day. I’m not a monster.

This year’s surprise reservations were to Nel Centro. It was… good. It was not overly expensive, and the food was solid but uninspired. We got the hazelnut goat cheese and beet salad to share, and then chicken tortellini (me) and lamb pappardelle (husband). All the food was fine, but it wasn’t earthshaking. Valentine’s dinner should be orgasmic. Really, all dinner should be orgasmic, but especially so when you’re dropping a couple bills on a single seating. Also, my after-dinner macchiato came out more like a tiny cappuccino, but at least they didn’t try and make me something with caramel in it like Starbucks does when I order it.**

I gave up beer for Lent. You read that right, folks. I gave up my most favorite liquid for an imaginary holiday I don’t believe in. The idea came to me sometime in the morning on Mardi Gras, and before I knew it I wasn’t drinking beer for the next 46 days. Like many decisions I make, it was rather impulsive. So, what I’m trying to say is that I’m becoming more and more familiar with mead, wine, and cider.

Last week, I woke up to a distressing personal message on Facebook. It was from an old high school friend, someone who I haven’t seen in probably ten years, but whom I believed was a generally kind and caring person. So you can imagine my surprise to open up my phone in the morning to a message that said, and I’m paraphrasing here, ‘You’re too condescending and serious. I’m unfriending you!’. And then, not only was I unfriended, but I was blocked and cannot message this person to find out what could have been so awful as to make them literally ruin my day. And, in all seriousness, it didn’t just ruin my day. Stuff like this happens and I’ll spend the next Until the End of Time killing myself trying to figure out what I said and convincing myself that everyone has always hated me because I’m just so fucking condescending. I don’t even have to try – my brain provides this service free of charge!

So I realized something. This is a person I haven’t seen in ten years. Somebody I would be unlikely to hang out with, and whose presence in my life is limited to Facebook. And they were able to ruin my day. Why keep relationships with non-IRL friends on Facebook, when it’s easy to use that access to make me feel shitty? I mean, and this is probably true for the majority of people, the large part of my Facebook friends list was people from earlier periods in my life whom I friended for the sole purpose of casual stalking. You know, seeing what they’re up to since high school or whatever.

The result of this situation? I culled my friends list! I went from just over 600 to around 250. 250 actual real-life humans that I regularly interact with. I just don’t need to give people unfettered access to my life and opinions. (I do understand the irony of making such a statement in a public blog, but there’s nothing I write here that I’d consider too polarizing or TMI. Also, my barometer for what regular people consider TMI could be skewed.)

The culling has been cathartic.

In other things that have felt good, I’ve been to three sewing classes and it’s been a blast! Just as I hoped, I’m learning some of the basic skills I’d lost. There’s a beginning sewing 2 class that starts the week after this session ends. I plan to sign up for it, as during that class they let you learn such exciting things as: Buttonholes! Zippers! I’m nearly done making my pajama pants, and will be excited to wear them!

I made some new dishwasher detergent this week, as I’d run out of the Awesomesauce I’d made initially. You may recall a couple weeks ago I mentioned that the Awesomesauce was making my glasses cloudy. So this time I tried this unnamed dishwasher detergent, which claims citric acid is key in avoiding cloudy dishes. We’ve washed a couple loads with it so far, and I’ll keep you posted on my findings.

I also got a cute new haircut last week! I’ve been trying to grow my hair out. I had for a while sported that shaved-on-the-sides-long-on-the-top look every girl in Portland was wearing. Then I became Over It and have been patiently waiting through iterations of frumpy hairdos until I could actually do something with it. Well, wait no longer! I can do something with it! Instead of the thick emo side bangs I’ve rocked the last couple years, I am now back to flat bangs and couldn’t be more pleased. And what’s more, they require flat-ironing to become presentable, which has obligated me to some amount of styling in the morning. And I tell you what: I’ve felt damn fancy styling my hair these last few days. It’s made me realize just how little effort I’ve put into getting ready of late, and that I generally feel better about myself when I, you know, try a little.

But I’ve saved the best for last, dear reader. The biggest reason for my absence has not been The Walking Dead, but rather the fact that my kid GOT FUCKING LICE. For those of you unfamiliar with the plague, it completely derails your life for a week or so. Want to do something other than launder EVERY PIECE OF FABRIC IN YOUR HOUSE? TOO BAD! Want to spend your time NOT COMBING AND PICKING YOUR CHILD’S HAIR FOR TWO OR THREE HOURS EACH DAY? ALSO TOO BAD! I can not understate how much lice really puts a heavy, wet towel on accomplishing anything.

So, I guess that’s it. Overall, I’ve felt discombobulated these last two weeks as my schedule has been willy-nilly. But I managed to make soup this week, and now I’m updating my blog finally, so maybe life is getting back to normal. Maybe?

**I am so irritated that Starbucks took the already-existing macchiato, a perfectly satisfying espresso drink, and created a sugary monstrosity of the same name. It has made it hard for me to get a macchiato anywhere, as I’m either asked about whether I want the caramel drizzle (hint: I LITERALLY NEVER want a caramel drizzle on my coffee) or (if I’m at a self-respecting espresso shop) whether or not I understand I’ll be getting a traditional macchiato, and not the syrupfest Starbucks has unleashed. Life is hard in a post-caramel macchiato society.

One thought on “Back in the saddle agaaaaainnnnnn. I’m back!

  1. Two things. I literally woke up Sunday toNOTHING for Valentine’s Day. So of your dinner date I am jealous. Second, my son got lice last year. I wanted to DIE. Great post!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s